Are You A People Pleaser?

by Mindy Kaleta on February 28, 2014

Are You A People Pleaser?

Are you the one who doesn’t like saying no, because you don’t want to disappoint anyone? 

Do you find yourself rescuing others, taking on more than you can handle? 

 

All of my life, I have been trying to please EVERYONE!  My mother and father, my siblings, teachers, friends…even pets!  Yup, I tend to be the People Pleaser 24-7!

Where did I get this tendency?  How did I come upon the notion that pleasing others was the way to go?  Did I feel that I needed to do what others wanted me to do, be what others wanted me to be, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to do or was not who I truly was?  And why would I do that?

Truly, I can’t say that I was comfortable being a people pleaser.  I was rather frustrated, angry, resentful and yes, EXHAUSTED!  Ya know…it takes A LOT of energy to  please people all the time!  And again, why did I continue to do it?

Others do it too! I’m not alone in this…maybe even YOU!  So, why do we continue to try to please others constantly?  Sometimes, or should I say, most of the time, we don’t even realize that we are doing it. And that allows it to perpetuate!  We are on auto-pilot, mindlessly pleasing and doing to meet up to others expectations and wondering why we have no energy left at the end of the day, week, month or year!

The flip side to that people pleasing coin is when we reach the end of our energy, we switch into illness.  We aren’t feeling well, we are easily frustrated and we are down-right angry and we don’t know why.  Everything seems to tick us off, overwhelm and we are most certainly not at our best.  Then the self-loathing comes in (because nice girls/men/people aren’t supposed to get angry) and we hate who we have become. And of course, there’s GUILT!

All right…as the words flow onto this page, I’m wondering again, WHY DO WE DO THIS?  I hesitate to write what I really think it is, because I don’t think of myself in these terms, but it’s really…dare I say it???…it’s really a lack of self-worth.  Ohhhh…I can hear it now…”You hold on there Missy!! That is NOT me! I have great self-worth!”  Well, let’s take a closer look.

First, we need to know that a lack of self-worth is not all that bad if you can wrap your mind around what that means for you and realize that you can remedy this whole thing.  You are not broken, you just believed what your parents, society and life in general have taught you…”that you should always put the needs of others before yourself.”  Now while that sounds like a noble act, it can get a little tricky.

Think about it this way…if you are always in a state of saying “YES” to every thing, every one, every time…sooner rather than later, you are not going to have anything else to give ANYONE.  Believe me, I know!  I’ve been there and it wasn’t pretty.  Nothing says NIGHTMARE better than feeling that you give and give and give and it just never seems to be enough.  It’s a big…black…hole…and what’s left is an empty, exhausted, wrung out, weakened, shell of a woman/man/person who is of no earthly good.  I mean seriously…always saying YES, without some sort of reciprocity gets stale pretty quickly.  NOT because of the idea that if I give to you, you must give to me…NO!  Because of the fact that YOU need to replenish before you can GIVE OUT again.  If your car runs out of gas…there will be no forward motion.  That’s just a fact.  And the same is true of you and your physical, mental and emotional  resources.

We have a responsibility to ourselves and to those we love, to take good care of this physical body, mental sanity and emotional well-being of ours.  And that includes ditching the “People Pleaser” mentality. That kind of mentality serves no one.  You are a child of the Universe, you have a right to be here and to express your authentic self; TO BE WHO YOU ARE!  And if that is not what others want to see, hear or feel, then it’s really not your problem, but theirs.  Once you start putting up those boundaries to protect your physical, mental and emotional resources…it may take some time, but others will begin to jump on board. If you only say “yes” when you truly want to say “yes”, then it will be a pleasant and happy experience with no regrets or resentment.

Being happy starts with being comfortable in your own skin and being authentic. Then you present each and every day the gift of yourself to the world.  You are a magnificent soul, and you have the right to shine in your own unique way!

How am I doing in dealing with my own “People Pleasing” tendencies?  I am happy to say that I’m much better than I used to be! Old  habits do die hard and I am overly sensitive to others feelings and emotions. So, that makes it even more of an issue for me. However, since my body, mind and emotions screamed at the top of it’s lungs in no uncertain terms that it could not continue to suffer because of my inability to “SAY NO” anymore, it was definitely a wake up call.  Wearing myself to a frazzle trying to be everything to everyone is not conducive to leading a happy, productive and dream filled life.

So, now…more often than not…I listen to my body.  If I’m hungry, I reach for more healthful foods.  If I’m tired, I allow myself to take a break, a nap or go to bed early.  If I feel anxious, fretful or worrisome…I choose a nice relaxing bath with my epsom salts and essential oils, take a walk with my dogs, sit down with a good read or listen to some music.  I have struggled with the feeling that I “should” work outside the home and get a J.O.B. even though I’m totally not wired that way. So, I’ve finally taken that option away from myself.  I will no long look for a J.O.B. and will honor my strengths and how I’m wired as an entrepreneur and will give all my focus and energy towards building my home-based business, which honors who I really am.

People Pleasing puts others in control of your life.  Choosing NOT to be a People Pleaser puts YOU back in the driver’s seat.  Ahhh…now, doesn’t that feel better!!

Let me know what you think about all this!  Join me on my facebook page!  I’ll be there!

 

 

 

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