Say No Without Feeling Guilty – Part II

by Mindy Kaleta on July 21, 2014

Just Say No

Say No Without Feeling Guilty – Part II

Ok, as promised, this is Part II of Say “No” Without Feeling Guilty.  If you have not seen my previous Part I blog post, go HERE and read that first. Then, Part II will make a whole lot more sense! And please be sure to read this all the way to the end, because I have a special GIFT from Me to YOU today that I’m so excited about!! Ok, so let’s get started!

Many people have difficulty saying NO when they need to, and end up in resentment and anger.  There is really no need to put yourself into that situation.  Being up-front and honest with people, is really the best way to communicate your feelings without guilt, regret or apology.  And more times than not, they will respect you for it.  People who are up-front and just tell you how they feel or what they will do or not do, are the easiest to get along with. You know just where they stand!

5 Steps to Saying “No” Without Feeling Guilty

1.  Put some time between the request and your commitment

Ask for time to think about it or just wait a bit to see if someone else is willing to commit to it.  Buying for time gives you the opportunity to really think about if you are able, want to or don’t want to commit to this request. If it is from a boss, you may not have too much of a choice.  And in that case, if  it happens frequently,  you may want to re-evaluate whether this is the job for you. But if it’s a request from a family member, friend, organization, etc., it does give you some time to reflect.

2.  Discover what is best for you

Do you want to help this person or organization out?  Is it something that you would enjoy doing?  Or are you doing it only because you don’t want to say no?  If it’s something you want to do and you feel engaged and excited when you think about it, then by all means say “Yes!”.  Do you have the time and will it fit into your schedule?  If putting it on your schedule will cause you to fret that other things that you need to do won’t get done, then you may need to say “no”. Check in with your gut.  What is it telling you?  Recently I’ve heard of a little trick that can help you decide if you are having trouble making up your mind. Take a quarter and name “heads” as complying with the request and “tails” as deciding not to comply. Toss the coin in the air and while it is in mid-air…think of what you really want it to be.  You get the idea!  You will silently be saying to yourself…”I hope it’s heads…or I hope it’s tails!”

3.  Decide whether you are able to commit to the request 

Based on the above discovery techniques, just decide.  Don’t labor over it. It’s just a request.  It’s best to make these decisions as quickly as you can. Because if you are a “people pleaser”, it could drag on forever causing the issue to get bigger than is necessary from undue attention to it and creating you too much agony over the whole thing.

4.  Don’t engage in lengthy explanations, arguing about your decision or overly apologize

Get back to them as soon as you can and give them your decision.  Just say something like, “Ya know normally I would, but I need to keep that weekend open.”  or “I’m sorry to have to say no this time, but I would be up for it the next time!”  or if you really just aren’t interested just say something like, “I know some people really get into that, however I just have never really enjoyed it”. Hey, at least you are being honest.  People will appreciate honesty rather than some lame excuse that you tried to come up with that really isn’t the reason you don’t want to do it. Apologies are acceptable, and at certain times are welcome. But don’t apologize profusely.  Just a simple, “Sorry…No…short explanation” will do.

5.  Offer some alternatives for them 

Give them some hope, especially if it’s something that is really important to them like…”Hey, maybe so-and-so would be available for that.”  or “If you don’t need it right away, I could do that next Tuesday.”  or “I know of someone who would be all over that!”. Giving them some options may lessen the sting that you are not able or willing to do it and they will appreciate you trying to help them out by taking the time to think of some alternatives for them.

So, you see, it doesn’t have to be so complicated that you spend needless hours or days trying to decide, or worse yet, just saying “Yes” when your heart really wasn’t in it and you didn’t want to say “No”.  Assume that the person asking something of you is quite capable of receiving a “No” answer, especially if you are up-front and honest with them.  And if they aren’t, well then, I’m guessing there is a problem there, and it’s probably not on your end! Those who love and respect you and take into consideration your feelings as well as their own, will understand and honor your decision.  And if they don’t, well, that’s a topic for another blog post!  Just say “No” without guilt…you can do it!

And while I’m talking about…Just saying NO…

I’ve just recently completed a special 5 Day Audio Mini Series entitled, “How to Cut through the Chaos, Find your inner Whoohoo & Just Get Happy!”  

This mini series is taken from my workshop, Happiness Made Simple and there is a ton of information in that one workshop, but because I know you are busy, I’ve taken my most favorite parts and created little snippets for you to help you slice through your business fog, figure out who you are anymore…and put that smile back on your face!  C’mon!!  Yes!! You can do it!! Say it with me NOW!!  “Yes, I can!!”  So, for less than 10 mins a day, I would love to hang out  with you for the next five days.  You know like, meeting at your favorite cafe over coffee or tea!  (Hey, maybe there will be scones!! Sorry, I’m hung up on those right now!)  Won’t you join me?  All you have to do is CLICK the “Yes! Please Save My Seat!” below and I’ll see you there!   

Yes Please Save my Seat button

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