Stop Bending Over Backwards Trying to Please
Start Being Who You Really Are!
“All my life, I have been trying to please EVERYONE! My mother and father, siblings, teachers, friends, spouse, children, bosses, pets…even the random stranger on the street!… Yup, I’m the people pleaser personified!”
“We’re on auto-pilot, mindlessly pleasing and doing to meet up to other’s expectations and wondering why we have no energy! When we reach the end of our energy, we switch into illness. Something feels off. We are easily frustrated. Our body aches, we are angry and we don’t know why. Everything seems to overwhelm and we are most certainly not at our best. Then self-loathing sets in and we hate who we have become. And of course, there’s GUILT!” (excerpt from Stop Bending Over Backwards Trying to Please, by Author Mindy J Kaleta)
Does Any of This Sound Familiar?
I bet it does! But ya know, you are in very good company and you are NOT alone.
I go on to write in my book:
“I thought that I was just being the “good girl” everyone wanted me to be. ‘I was the nice girl! Why was all this happening to me?’ Why was I so angry, frustrated, lonely and depressed? When I did reach out for help from my doctor, of course I was given the traditional remedies of the latest and greatest “happy pills”. But the happy pills didn’t work as I expected. What they did do, was numb me to my issues. I didn’t really care anymore. I felt like, this is my plight and I really don’t give a rip and I’m too tired to put in the effort.”
“I was totally unaware of how far I had gone to hide my true feelings from others and certainly from myself. In fact, during a therapy session I was told, “Mindy…you are like an award winning actress.” I didn’t really understand what it meant at the time, but as the days, weeks and years rolled by I understood it more and more. The bottom line was I no longer knew who I was anymore. I no longer knew what I wanted anymore. I no longer knew how to find the happiness, success or joy that was lost from my life.”
Have you be there?
I’m pretty sure that a lot of people pleasers out there have these feelings from time to time, in varying intensity or level. But maybe you feel as I did:
“… I was strong enough to go it alone. I felt I didn’t need help from anyone. I was doing everything right! But the turning point was when I finally got to the place where I couldn’t buck the current of my belief I had going; the belief of the “good girl” mentality I had adopted over the years. I didn’t know how to stop the insanity in my life and I reached out for mentors, professionals and started listening most of all to Source (God) as we often do when we have nowhere else to go.”
“If you are suffering, please seek professional help. Find someone you trust to sort it all out. I was lucky in that the therapist I found really helped me to see how debilitating and destructive being a pleaser can be. He helped me to realize that I too, deserve to have options, desires and wants, opinions and I most certainly had the right to express them.”
Overcoming my “people pleasing” tendencies did not come easily to me. And if you are a people pleaser, you know it takes a daily awareness to get to the point where the old habits of coping no longer are your knee-jerk reaction. Since it took “a village” and lots of soul searching to get to the place I am now, I wanted to write a book to help make it easier for others to break free from the chains that bind them. If you are struggling with the habit of people pleasing, are dealing with a toxic relationship and want to break free of the debilitating lifestyle…this book is for you.